"Leap! Net Appears" is Total BS

My most wonderful friend Sabrina and I were texting the other day, she wrote:

"I have no doubt in my mind that you guys will pull it off once again in an elegant, amazing, inspirational way."

That is a really wonderful thing to say, Sabrina’s like that though, she says wonderful things all the time.

And then I started to giggle in a maniacal sort of way because really, there is nothing elegant about any of this. Inspirational maybe, I get that, but elegant it is not.

I know full well I am a lucky motherfucker that I get to go to India for three months and any complaints I have about it are full of shit, but again I will tell you - this is not easy.

The phrase I hate the most lately is "Leap! Net appears." Fuck that. It should be "Leap! Then build a net really fucking fast even though you have no money and you've been building nets for years and they're all still really fucking flimsy and you're tired of breaking your legs every time you leap."

The Seth Godins, The Tim Ferriss' all those Ted Talks - it's untrue. All of it.

I had this idea when I started my business that it would be a great success. I found out what I was great at, what I liked doing and I did it my own way.

And it's been a struggle every day since. There was never any moment of "TOTAL SUCCESS! Here's some money for being awesome at what you do!" Every day I struggle to get people to come on tours. For seven years. Struggle. It's been fun, but I'm still looking for that freaking net.

And with this trip - oh yay! We're doing something outside the box! We're doing something amazing! This is going to be FUN. Leap and let's watch that net appear!

There is so much crying happening I can’t even tell you. I’m crying all the time. It’s not lovely Eat, Pray, Love crying either (I’ve been getting a lot of that comparison by the way, I’m calling it Eat, Pray, Shove. Heh.) it's some ugly cries.  

John and I have mini-arguments all the time. Bickering about this or that thing - passports or dinner or what to toss and what to keep. This romantic notion of us bent over maps of the Himalayas while we try delivery Nepali food is not how it is. Not that I ever saw it that way of course.

We’re broke. We’re totally broke. This is an absolute chance we’re taking. Many of you more responsible types might even call us reckless. I have no idea if this is the right thing to do. I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything.

We’re not sure what happens when we get back. India will change everything and ultimately, India will change nothing.

We’ll still be broke. We’ll still be arguing. We’ll still be struggling and weaving nets together frantically. I promise you it will not be elegant.

But when I'm old and sitting in my city-run old folks home and everyone has gone from me - I'd rather be the old lady who did go to India for three months than be the old lady who didn't.

Stupid nets.